Cathedral Rock

The love affair behind the church walls 🏜️

…Everything in this world is an imprint of something else. Everywhere we go, we leave a piece of ourselves behind, like breadcrumbs on an unseen path. These traces may seem small, but they tell the story of our journey. They shape the world around us in ways we may never fully understand…

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Some time ago, I met you, my Apollo.
Thought you were just a stranger on my path
Didn’t care to ask what your name was
All I could remember -
Was your towering frame
So tall, so dominant…
Almost magnificent.

All I could remember -
Was how you’d lift me up
How your beauty would amplify mine
I rushed and rushed
But you stayed still and calm
Virtually unmoved
And in that moment, I realized
It is in your presence that the world seemed to shine.

All I could remember -
You were the mighty rock
That even the most powerful sun could lean on each day
Fragments of my memories linger -
You were the smooth surface, the transparent mirror,
Where the softest moon bathed and reflected herself each night
Heard you once,
Now only echoes of your forgotten sounds hover -
You were the unsung melody
That even the most tempestuous wind could carry silently for eternal
You were a home to many wandering souls
Unshaken by time
Unbroken by storms.

Some time ago, I was you, my Apollo.
The unbroken girl
Fearless and whole
Steadfast, like the rock you became
The wildest winds couldn’t touch me
The fiercest quakes couldn’t shake me
Yet I was lost in the rush
Howling and raging - caught in the crush
Entangled in shadows I couldn’t escape
Carving my own maze
Digging my own grave
My mind, a labyrinth of endless spin
A trap I built to wander within
And so I wandered far - away from my own skin
Chasing horizons, cashing praises
Only to turn back here -
Full circle, where I begin again.

Three years and five months later,
Just like yesterday, I met you again, my Apollo.
You’re still the same you
Yet I am already someone new
Tears fall, I’m broken down
It is long overdue.
The girl I am now, lost and confused
Goosebumps shiver, my heart shattered
The girl I am now, utterly fractured
Yet wiser, in her own way, more gathered
Molded by time, reshaped by pain
Closer to you than I’ve ever been.

And for the first time, I asked what your name was
Only to learn you are called Apollo -
The son of Zeus and Leto
God of a hundred domains
First to reign over Light and the Sun
Illuminating minds in the dark
Whispering secrets of the heart
Intertwining the Universe’s truth and its art
Building a temple out of our mortal minds
Where you hold court with the muses
The God of Poetry and Music
Vetoing the fears and doubts that once confined me
Inspiring verses yet unwritten
Igniting stories yet untold
All the tales I forgot to tell, now ready to unfold.

And finally, I can appreciate
The majestic beauty of my Apollo
Whom I once thought was here just to make me shine
Now reveals its power to heal me like it’s divine
Your power, it is impressive, it is eloquent
Yet it is grand and kind, like Christ's testament
Your light no longer reflects my own
But instead, it wraps around my cold bones
My wounds, they are gently sewn
My cracks, they are slowly mended
My demons, they no longer moan
My Satan, now yields to your solid grounding
My spirit, elevated, humbled, and resounding.
You've been there all along, Apollo
Unchanged, yesterday or tomorrow
So even if I wasn’t the Sun
Can I always lean on you, my Apollo?

It is a debut of our love affair.
I now see the power in your name, my Apollo
The controlling lover, yet never intimidating
Loving, gentle, almost adoring
The bitterest herb, yet never discomforting
Working its magic, soothing the wounds I never knew were festering
My words fall short, but I can’t stop narrating
I keep coming back to you, my secret affair
The God of Healing and Medicine
The sheer light that sets my spirit free
“I am, I was, and I will be”
Heard you, crying, I am on my knees.

Watching you, all I felt was protection
Wish granted, you sent me voices with affection
My holy protector, my grandfather
My sacred connection, my grandmother
I felt right at home, as if in my own church
The safe haven, where love can always be searched.

Heaven on Earth - Is it just a feeling?
An energy vortex - Is it just a saying?
Are any tales ever truly just myths?
Why do I feel placed in the Earth’s sanctuary of bliss?
Why do I feel this much peace, to be the lost soul that I am?
No judgment, I want to bow
No verdict, I long to break
No critique, I wish to shatter
Into countless pieces, to crush and splinter.

Yet I know you’ll always be here
Not just my church, but everyone’s church
No wonder they call you Cathedral Rock
Standing unwavering, against all mortal clocks
Embracing all who seek solace
A refuge for the weary heart
A timeless monument to love
Until we meet again, my Apollo
Or Cathedral Rock, the name I should follow.

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Written from Sedona, AZ - October 2024 

It wasn’t until the end of this poem, that I realized how much of a relationship I have with Cathedral Rock.

Relationship – it is a luxurious thing to think about in my story. I can sit here and write about all the things in my life that I hold to high expectations, but relationship is one that sits low on the list. Perhaps, it is the lack of role models. Perhaps, it is the overcompensation for independence. Perhaps, it is selfishness and the overprotection of my own ego. It is many things. But these conditionings are slowly crumbling, one by one, as I learn to listen more closely to that heartbeat inside my chest.

What are the odds that someone who’s never believed much in romance, now finds secret love affairs in almost every simple thing around? Life has been a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I found a rock – literally grounded – that somehow lifted me from my rock bottom (no pun intended). So, I fell in love. And here I am, writing about it. I can laugh about it now.

Everything in this world is an imprint of something else. Everywhere we go, we leave a piece of ourselves behind, like breadcrumbs on an unseen path. These traces may seem small, but they tell the story of our journey. They shape the world around us in ways we may never fully understand.

How we choose to leave these imprints – on the paths we walk, the places we explore, the walls we touch, and the people we meet – is all up to us. Yet, we must remember that how we treat those paths, places, and people will also leave a mark on us, shaping who we become. 

It’s like a cosmic boomerang: what we give is what we receive. 

The world is a fairer place than we realize. God’s universe is a balancing scale; and harmony may just be the secret to staying on that tightrope.

Everything is interconnected. Every experience is a relationship. I’m grateful to have finally understood this deep interconnection, as it has transformed the way I engage with the world, encouraging me to tread more lightly, show more kindness, and love more wholeheartedly. Every moment offers a chance to leave a positive imprint on ourselves and the world. I may have spent a third of my life waiting to realize this, but I hope through these words, someone won’t have to wait as long as I did.

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